By My Side Page 9

  Derek stared back into Yale’s eyes and then watched him walked away. Derek couldn’t remember when Yale turned down a Tuesday get together in the past. Derek was the only one who ever did something like that.

  A cold shiver raced up Derek’s spine as Yale walked away. He knew that he needed to say something, but he wasn’t sure what. He didn’t think a simple apology was enough. He went home and settled on to the couch and picked up the TV remote control, but he didn’t feel like watching anything in particular.

  While Derek was staring into the distance, his cell phone rang. He quickly pulled it from his pocket hoping that it was Yale. It was Emma instead.

  Derek answered, and she immediately said, “I really don’t mean to interrupt the two of you, but Jane and I have an urgent question.”

  With a sigh, Derek said, “You didn’t interrupt us. I’m here by myself at home. Ask all the questions that you want.”

  “Where’s Yale?” asked Emma. “Is he sick? It’s Tuesday.”

  Derek said, “I screwed up. I assume he’s at home in his apartment.”

  “What did you do?”

  He said, “I can’t really talk about it right now. I just need to figure out how to fix it, because right now it really really sucks.”

  Emma adopted a sympathetic tone and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Make sure you treat him well, Derek. Yale is one of the best guys I’ve ever known. I’ll personally hunt you down if you hurt him.”

  The comment was like another dagger to his heart. He could feel the knife sink in and then twist. Derek whispered, “I’m doing my best. What question did you want to ask?”

  She said, “Well, now it seems so…umm…inconsequential. I guess I’ll ask it anyway. Maybe it will take your mind off other things, if only for a minute. Jane and I were trying to decide something between us.”

  Derek said, “I vote for both of you.”

  He could hear the exasperation in her voice when she said, “No, you can’t do that. That’s what Thomas tried to do when I called him. You guys don’t have to be such weaklings. We’ll still like you in the morning.”

  For the first time since leaving Yale’s apartment, Derek laughed. He said, “I just think of it as you having intelligent friends.”

  Emma said, “Okay, I’ll just ask you the very basic question and not identify which is me and which is Jane. The question is — turquoise or sea foam?”

  “They are different? Aren’t they really close to the same color?”

  “There is a subtle difference, and you’re required to have an opinion,” said Emma.

  “Then I choose sea foam.”

  “Yay! You voted with me. Thank you Derek! Kisses. I’ve gotta go.”

  In classic Emma style, she hung up abruptly. Derek stared at the phone just to make sure he hadn’t missed a message from Yale. Then he stuffed the phone back in his pocket.

  He realized he hadn’t eaten dinner yet. He didn’t really want to cook any of the groceries in the refrigerator. Instead, he hopped in the car and drove to Jess’ diner. Yale wouldn’t be working, because he regularly took Tuesday nights off so they could hang out together.

  When he walked in, the dinner rush was over, and only three booths were filled. Derek settled into one, and he looked around. It was hard to think about the diner without thinking about Yale.

  Jess, herself, appeared at the table with a menu. She said, “Hey, Derek, it’s been a long time. Thanks for stopping in, but I have a question for you.”

  “You want to know what I’m going to eat?” asked Derek.

  “No, I want to ask what you did to Yale. He’s been moping around here when he’s working for the last three shifts. That’s very unlike Yale. I finally asked, and of course he told me nothing was wrong.”

  Derek nodded and said, “Yeah, Yale doesn’t complain. Why do you think it’s about me?”

  Jess said, “Well, then I asked him about you. So many times recently he told me how hard you were working and how he was worried about you. This time his tone changed. When I asked about you, he just said, ‘I don’t know. You’ll just have to ask him,’ and then he turned away.”

  Derek shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I guess he’s a little upset about something.”

  Making a comment so dismissive of Yale hurt inside for Derek, but he didn’t really know how else to respond. He thought it was just a matter of time before the friendship came back together. They had disagreements in the past like any long-term friends, and this was likely just another one of those. Deeper inside Derek wasn’t so sure. He did know what he wanted, and he wanted Yale. Unfortunately, in this case, he couldn’t imagine really getting what he wanted. It was too big of a prize to imagine.

  15

  Yale

  Yale lay in bed after Derek left, and he couldn’t believe any of what had just happened. For a moment, he actually thought it might have all been a dream. Then he rolled over, and the pillow smelled like Derek even more than before. It wasn’t a dream, but it felt like something had gone terribly wrong. Why else would Derek leave just after they had sex for the very first time since meeting in junior high.

  Looking over his head for the dark cloud, Yale sighed heavily. Just after Derek came, he thought that everything in his life was piecing itself together at last. He could see the bright sun rising on the horizon. He had a job, a decent place to live, and now he had Derek. Then Derek got up and left without saying why…other than needing to work.

  Work, that’s what everybody had to do whether they liked it or not. It was always there and wasn’t going to go away for at least another forty years. At least now his work was more fun than it used to be. Yale thought that maybe he could forget about going to bed with Derek if he threw himself into his work. He could concentrate on both the bookstore and waiting tables for Jess.

  * * *

  Yale was already working hard at the bookstore, but then he decided to shift into turbo drive. Before opening in the morning, he made sure that he covered the entire store straightening books and magazines. By the time the first customer walked through the door, everything was perfectly tidy. Yale sighed happily thinking that the store almost looked like something out of a magazine.

  After opening, he decided to go through the drawers in the front counter. They were filled with all sorts of odds and ends. So many things were little devices from before the days of computers and electronic data keeping. He cleared out all but one stapler, the multiple pencil sharpeners, and scattered paperclips. He found old rubber pencil erasers and even a sticky little bottle of ink.

  One drawer held a large stack of single page advertisements for books. Some of them were old enough that the colors were starting to fade. Yale pulled them all out and tossed them in the trash. He also found all sorts of little items with the logos of publishers printed on them. By the time Yale was finished throwing things away, most of the drawers were nearly empty.

  The job took him a couple of hours, but Yale smiled proudly when he was finished. After just a few short hours of the work day, he felt a major sense of accomplishment.

  Sorting through things in the drawer just below the cash register, Yale found a letter addressed to Derek. He pulled it out and set it aside to make sure it didn’t get discarded with all of the other garbage he was collecting. After he was sure that the useless material was gone, Yale slipped the letter back into the drawer below the tray that held pencils, pens, and a few small pads of paper.

  Just as Yale was headed for the far corner of the bookstore, he heard the jingling of the bell on the front door and then what sounded like the yip of a small dog. He turned around to see his friend Thomas walk into the store.

  Yale was happy to see the friendly face, and he immediately strode back to the store’s entry. He said, “Well, look who stumbled in.”

  Thomas had a backpack slung over his shoulders, and a small dog with mottled gray, black, and white blotches was placed inside. The dog was letting out little yips and occasionally batting at Thoma
s’ hair with one of its paws. It was an adorable sight to see.

  Thomas asked, “Yale, are you working here now?”

  Yale explained about agreeing to work in the store to take a load off of Derek and ease things up so that Derek could work on his writing and not drive himself into an early grave at the same time.

  Stepping behind Thomas, Yale scratched the puppy between the ears and asked, “Who is this?”

  Thomas said, “I think I told everyone that I first met Hadley, my new boyfriend, when he brought in a dog to the veterinary practice that had been hit on the road. We patched her up, named her Lucky, and she was pregnant. This is Molly, the only one of the puppies that I decided to keep.”

  Yale leaned forward looking into Molly’s eyes. “Well, I can see why you kept her. She’s a little heartbreaker.”

  “And one big bundle of puppy energy.”

  “So how are things with Hadley?” asked Yale as he returned to look Thomas in the eye.

  Thomas sighed and said, “We’ve kind of hit a rough patch.”

  Yale suggested that they sit at a table to the right of the store entrance and talk for a bit. He said, “You can also unpack the puppy then, too, and she can stretch her legs.”

  Thomas said, “I think I’ll snap the leash on her, though. If I let her just roam free, you’re going to end up with a pile of chewed up books. She’s at the stage where she will try to eat almost anything that is within reach.”

  Yale said, “It’s hard to believe that something so adorable could be so destructive.”

  Thomas laughed. “Believe it. She’s like a mini hurricane. I’ve lost five shoes already. She is good about leaving the furniture alone, but anything else that is not nailed down is imperiled.”

  They sat at the table, and Thomas explained issues he was having with Hadley over coming out. It all led to an argument between them, and to Yale it all looked like a big misunderstanding. He suggested that the best plan of action was for them each to tell the other how they really felt. Yale said they should tear down the walls of unrelated problems and open up their hearts.

  Yale stood up and said, “I need to get something in the back. I’ve got a little treat for Molly. I’ll be right back.”

  He returned just as squirming Molly leaped off Thomas’ lap to scurry around on the floor again. Yale held up a dog biscuit and asked, “Can she have these yet?”

  Thomas said, “Of course, but why do you have dog biscuits at a bookstore, Yale?”

  “Oh, Derek booked an author of a dog training book to come in and give a talk to our customers. He bought dog biscuits when he was at the grocery store to share with customers. He bought five freaking boxes!”

  “That’s a lot of dog biscuits,” said Thomas.

  Yale said, “The publicity will mention that they can bring well-behaved dogs along. Maybe you and Molly should come.”

  Thomas said, “I’ll get it on the calendar, and if you have dog biscuits left over, I can take them off your hands for the practice. I’m always giving out dog biscuits to the good patients.”

  While Yale was wondering if the advice he gave Thomas about Hadley should also be heeded in his own relationship with Derek, Thomas asked, “Speaking of Derek, how are things?”

  Yale sighed heavily and said, “Please don’t turn the questions on me. Life is complicated…”

  Thomas tilted his head to the right and asked, “Complicated? Is there something going on between the two of you?”

  “Can you keep it all private?” asked Yale with a look of painful intensity on his face.

  Thomas reached out a hand and placed it on his friend’s shoulder. “Of course I can. I’m a doctor, remember? I deal with client privacy all day long. Telling me is like locking it up in a safe.”

  Yale blurted out, “Derek and I went to bed together.”

  Slapping his hands on his thighs, Thomas said, “Well, it’s about freaking time!”

  Yale’s expression changed to one of bewilderment. He asked, “What do you mean?”

  Thomas said, “I’m not really sure if I should comment exactly this way on the two of you, but I’m going to anyway. You and Derek are made for each other. I’m not talking about just as friends. Anyone that knew the two of you in high school could tell all the way back then. You’ve been in love with him since then, haven’t you, Yale?”

  Yale bit his lip. He knew that everything Thomas was saying was true, but it made him nervous. Every time he was about to get something that he really wanted, it seemed like the rest of the world intervened to either take it away or block his path. Still, he had to be honest with such a close friend. He said, “Yeah, I have.” Then he leaned forward and said, “The sex was so fucking good. It really was, Thomas.”

  “Of course it was,” said Thomas. “The two of you love each other. I don’t think I know very many married couples who care more about each other than you and Derek care about each other. You’re always helping each other out. When you hang out with the group, you always have your own little private world, too. So what’s going on that’s a problem?”

  Yale explained about how Derek walked out without really saying anything and how tense things had been since then. He said it was like two plates of glass existed between them now when they were both in the bookstore. Yale said, “It’s like he’s here, but he’s not really here. It’s like he left his heart at home.”

  Thomas sighed and then asked, “Do you remember that advice you gave me just a few minutes ago about Hadley?”

  Yale nodded. “You mean about telling each other what’s in your heart and how you really feel about each other?”

  “Yes, that advice. I’m pretty sure I know what’s in both your heart and Derek’s heart when it comes to each other, but I think you both need to say it out loud. Have you done that?”

  Yale shook his head. “We haven’t even come close.”

  Thomas said, “Think how good it will be to hear Derek tell you that he loves you.”

  A shudder swept through Yale’s body. He said, “But I’m not sure I could handle it if he says that he doesn’t. Crushed doesn’t even start to describe how I would feel, Thomas.”

  “I put those chances at about 1 in 1,000, Yale. I know Derek, and I know you. You are right for each other. I’ve talked about this over and over with Emma, Jane, and Aaron. We’re all just waiting for the two of you to come to your senses so we can celebrate.”

  Yale let a small smile creep in to his face. “Okay, I think you’re right, and I do need to tell Derek exactly how I feel. How about we make a deal with each other, Thomas.”

  Thomas reached down and pulled Molly away from his shoe laces. He asked, “A deal?”

  “We both tell the guys that we love how we feel about them.”

  Thomas laughed and said, “I was afraid you would come up with something like that, but it makes sense, too. I’ll take you up on it.” He reached out to shake hands. They both shook vigorously. “Yale, I need to get going with Molly. I’m trying to work on socialization with her so we have some other stores to visit. She is doing a good job. I’m really glad we stopped in here. I think we both needed the pep talks.”

  Yale stood up and said, “I know we both did. Thanks for introducing me to Molly.” He watched as Thomas packed the bundle of squirming energy back into the backpack and slung it over his shoulders.

  “How is business if I might ask?”

  Yale said, “It’s on an upswing. I have so much more that I want to do with the place, but what little I’ve already done seems to be making a difference. We have some steady customers now, and we’re not just talking to people anymore. We’re actually selling them books.”

  “That sounds like a very good thing.” Thomas turned toward the door, and just as he started to open it, he looked back at Yale and said, “Let’s look forward to a dinner together with the rest of the Purple Pack where we can make Aaron envious of three different couples. Then we can all put our heads together to find him the perfect guy.�
��

  16

  Yale

  Yale knew what he told Thomas on the spur of the moment, but he still needed to do some thinking before he was absolutely certain that he should tell Derek exactly how he felt. He didn’t see Derek for the rest of the day, and for the first time, he was happy about not seeing his best friend. Derek’s absence gave Yale a little more time to think.

  Yale headed for his upstairs apartment and turned on the TV. He grabbed a quick sandwich made of bread, cheese and lunchmeat from the refrigerator and settled on the couch to watch old sitcoms. He cringed when the stories were all about true love, too. Except they were told to generate a laugh.

  Thomas was right that Yale’s feelings hadn’t changed since high school. He was pining after Derek then, and he was pining after Derek now. He was pretty sure Derek felt the same way, too. The only difference now was he thought there might be a realistic chance of being a real couple.

  The sex was good. It was really good. Derek’s body felt and tasted just as good or even better than Yale always imagined that it would. As his hand drifted south over his own body, Yale decided that they really did need to give things a chance. Ignoring the feelings for each other was not going to work anymore.

  * * *

  The next day at work in the bookstore was a long one. It was a day that Yale volunteered to cover the entire day while the store was open. He didn’t know if he was going to see Derek or not. He tried hard to just keep his head down and get work completed like usual, but his thoughts about Derek were distracting.

  If Derek did show up, he was planning to bring the topic of their relationship up, and that could lead either to a wonderful new adventure in life or the most crushing emotional blows he’d ever faced. Yale felt like he was standing at the edge of a cliff ready to jump off and he was hoping the bungee cord didn’t break.