The Practice Page 13

  Thomas polished off the sandwich after barely tasting it. Then there was a knock at the kitchen door. He took a deep breath knowing that it was likely Hadley. Thomas remained on the couch when a second knock sounded, even more insistent than the one before. He muttered under his breath, “Fuck, he won’t go away.”

  Thomas kicked a squeaky dog toy out of his path as he made his way to the door. He turned the knob and opened it to see a smiling Hadley.

  “I’m sorry for that. Where were we, Thomas?” Hadley reached out wrapping his arms around Thomas’ waist and leaning forward expecting a kiss. Thomas turned his head to avoid it. “Thomas?” asked Hadley.

  “I can’t Hadley…I just can’t.”

  Hadley’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Why? I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

  “Because you think you can turn me off and send me away just like that…”

  “I didn’t want to,” said Hadley.

  “Then why did you?” asked Thomas.

  “Aunt Mae didn’t want to see us making out.”

  Thomas shook his head. “That’s not why. Try again.”

  “I needed to check on her and make sure she was okay. I asked if she needed anything. I came right over once she was settled.”

  Thomas asked, “Then why didn’t you invite me in? I like Aunt Mae. I could have even helped if there was anything that she needed. We got along really well at the dinner.”

  Hadley scrunched up his face in frustration. “Okay, fuck, yeah, you’re right. I froze, because I was worried she would find out about us. It’s not the right time, and I’m not ready, but you don’t want to listen to that. You just want it your way, Thomas. I can’t do it all your way. I am a man, and I’m still in charge of my own life.”

  Hadley turned and left through the kitchen door slamming it shut behind him in the face of Molly who whimpered helplessly. Thomas stared in shocked silence. He pulled open the living room curtains and watched Hadley stomp home across the street. He whispered to himself, “It can’t be over. Not like that. It can’t just be over.”

  20

  Hadley

  Hadley called in sick to work the next day. He wasn’t sick physically. His heart was sick, and the illness crept throughout the rest of his body. Aunt Mae offered him tea when he didn’t get out of bed, and he accepted it eagerly. She asked if he was planning to be checked out by a doctor.

  “I’ll do that if I’m not better by tomorrow, Aunt Mae.”

  Hadley spent the afternoon watching movies on his laptop computer. He couldn’t really concentrate on the plots, so he was content to just let the pictures and the voices flash by. He didn’t just miss Thomas. He missed the dogs, too. He couldn’t get the image out of his head of the little brown and grey pup staring innocently when he slammed the door shut to Thomas’ apartment.

  At 4:00 p.m., Hadley finally pulled himself out of bed. He dressed in gym shorts and a T-Shirt before clomping his way down the stairs to look for Aunt Mae in the living room. She was working on a crossword puzzle while Ellen DeGeneres danced on the TV. “Are you feeling better, Hadley?”

  He said, “Well enough that I would like a grilled cheese for dinner.”

  She said, “That’s a first step.” After filling in one more word in the crossword puzzle, she looked up and asked, “Who was that at the door last night, Hadley? Was that Thomas?”

  “How did you know?” asked Hadley.

  Aunt Mae smiled softly, “Intuition. You didn’t have to tell him to leave just because of me.”

  * * *

  Hadley mustered the energy and fortitude to climb out of bed the next morning, take a shower, and dress for work. He wasn’t looking forward to it. He wanted to just lie in bed for a week while he figured out what to do next. Maybe it was finally time to come clean with Aunt Mae.

  When lunch break approached, Hadley wanted to text Thomas and ask if they could meet, but he feared facing Thomas’ rejection more than he wanted company for lunch. Instead, he decided to buy a sandwich out of the vending machine in the factory lunchroom and sit with the other guys. He reasoned that it would provide a nice change of pace.

  Gordon Wilson said, “Hey, Hadley, are you really going to eat lunch and grace us with your presence today? You’ve been skipping out on so many days recently, we hardly see you.”

  Hadley said, “Yeah, my great Aunt Mae had a rough spell there, but her health is looking up again. I don’t need to check on her in the middle of the day like I needed to for awhile.”

  Gordon slapped him on the back. “Good to have you back, buddy, but you really should have brought something better from home than the week old sandwiches out of the machine.”

  Hadley smiled weakly. He found a chair and sat at a corner of a large table seating eight. The conversation was already animated and lively.

  Stanley Grimes was holding court. He said, “Then I backed it out of the mud and drove home. The woman took one look at the mud sloshed halfway up the driver side door, and she asked, ‘Why do you do things like that?’

  “I shrugged and said, ‘For fun.’”

  Mack Snyder added, “Isn’t that just like a woman? They really seem to have no clue. Sometimes a man just likes to get dirty.”

  Bennie Blake added, “Men love to get dirty. It’s just like when I was a little boy, and mom always said no. It all washes off. Damn, I love it. Mud. Sweat. That’s a man’s life.”

  Stanley took the floor back. “Yep, I think all men love it dirty. Except for those prissy little fags. They can be more like a princess than any girl.”

  The table erupted in laughter, and Hadley looked up. He realized he barely even noticed comments like that in the past. Gordon elbowed Hadley and whispered, “You didn’t laugh, buddy. Are you okay?”

  Hadley tried to think quickly and said, “I was chewing. I couldn’t laugh.”

  Now, a kind of comment that just blew right by in the past cut like a dull knife. He wasn’t even out, and it already hurt. Hadley brooded as he ate the second half of his sandwich. He knew that he should probably confront a comment like that because it was wrong, but he didn’t know how.

  Hadley shook his head and wondered how he lost his old self so quickly. He was comfortable, even happy, when he was occasionally dating women and keeping the promise to his parents to take good care of Aunt Mae. He didn’t ask to turn his world upside down. He just fell for Thomas. He fell for a man, and he fell hard. It was his first time. It was not a surprise that it would be a rough road. Hadley left the lunchroom early and decided to go for a walk.

  Questions filled Hadley’s head as he circled the huge factory parking lot. Maybe it was just missing Tom so badly, and those dogs, too. He couldn’t think straight. As much as it seemed the easiest route, he couldn’t imagine just going back to life with Aunt Mae and looking for a woman on Saturday nights at the Blue Goose. Something changed, and he wasn’t sure that it was just the presence of Thomas in his life.

  * * *

  After the final work whistle blew at 5:00 p.m., Hadley knew where to go, and it was a visit that was long overdue. Catlett’s Cove Memorial Gardens stood on a bluff overlooking downtown from the west. After his parents first perished in the accident, Hadley visited every week. He regularly brought flowers appropriate to the season or the holiday. He told his parents about any of his problems and worries, and he kept them up to date on Aunt Mae. He never received any verbal responses, but there were feelings and sensations that made him think they heard enough times that he continued to share.

  Eventually, the visits occurred only once a month, and Hadley realized it was almost two months since he last walked past the little pond to see his parents’ final resting place.

  Now he had questions, and he wished that he could ask his mother and father face to face, but being in the presence of their grave markers would be better than nothing.

  The day started out cool and cloudy, but the sun came out mid-afternoon, and it was now a warm, sunny, late spring evening with the rising
humidity of early summer. Hadley brought a bouquet of flowers. It included his mother’s favorite, purple irises, and he brought a bottle of water plus flower preservative for the small vase attached to his parents’ headstone. As Hadley walked across the grass in the direction of his parents, he had a sudden sensation of someone walking at his side. He closed his eyes trying to concentrate, and he realized it was the memory of Thomas at his side, leaning against his shoulder and gripping his arm just above the elbow. The presence of Thomas was a comforting one.

  Hadley sat cross-legged in the grass above where the casket was buried. It was always the spot that made him feel closest to his parents. He could easily read the names and the dates on the stone. The inscription was taken from a love letter Aunt Mae found in Hadley’s mother’s jewelry box after her death. It was written by Hadley’s father when they were college students. The line that stood out said, “With you, eternity is paradise.”

  Hadley closed his eyes for a moment, and he could imagine dogs bounding around chasing each other in and out in a winding path around the stones. Hadley liked the levity that dogs would bring in a place of such solemn thoughts. He wanted to ask his parents about Thomas. He wanted to ask his parents about speaking with Aunt Mae. Most of all he wanted to ask his parents about coming out as a bisexual man in a relationship with a man.

  By the time he opened his eyes again after imagining the dogs romping around and Thomas walking at his side, Hadley wasn’t completely sure that he needed to ask. Instead, he simply spoke out loud in a soft voice, “I think I love him.”

  It could have been a very natural occurrence, but Hadley took it as a sign. A gentle breeze riffled the leaves of the oak tree overhead. The cool air elicited a prickly sensation on the back of Hadley’s neck and then the sunlight sparkled off the silvery vase containing the bouquet of flowers. Hadley smiled. He knew what needed to come next. He had to speak with Aunt Mae.

  21

  Thomas

  It was a long, busy day at the practice, but Thomas managed to stay just ahead of the flow of appointments and walk-in clients. He even managed to spend a few minutes in his office to catch up on paperwork.

  Then the phone rang. It was Andrew Pritchard, the head of the animal hospital Thomas worked at back in the suburbs. One of Andrew’s department heads abruptly turned in a letter of two weeks notice after he received an offer of a new position in Chicago. Andrew couldn’t blame the man for leaving. It was a promotion and a better salary, but it left the animal hospital in a pinch. Andrew wanted to know what might be required to lure Thomas back into the fold.

  Thomas sighed heavily. He backed away from being put on the spot by saying his day was packed with clients, and he couldn’t really think about specifics on such short notice. Thomas could have simply said no, but he thought that it was an important matter to consider. He couldn’t convince himself to say no immediately. His Catlett’s Cove practice was very rewarding, but Thomas was fully award of the additional resources available in the city.

  Thomas asked if there were any specifics available about the job in terms of exactly what it would entail and what salary and benefits would be offered. Andrew said, “I do have a lot of leeway here, Thomas. Expertise is more important in this position from my end of the equation than the actual cost. I would offer a generous benefits package of course and cover your costs of relocation. I know that moving twice in such a short time is a burden.”

  “It is a very flattering offer, Andrew. I am writing everything down. How long before you need a definitive answer?” Thomas couldn’t really think with any clarity on such short notice.

  Andrew said, “This is Tuesday. Could you let me know what direction your thoughts are going by, say, Friday? Right now, the position is yours for the taking, Thomas. We know your work, and your departure left a real hole. Clients still ask about you.”

  Thomas smiled. “It is always nice to be missed. I think I can let you know something by Friday.”

  Andrew said, “That works. If you haven’t said yes by Friday, I will need to open the position up for a search. That won’t mean you can’t still apply, but you would be competing on equal footing with others then.”

  “Understood, Andrew. Thank you so much for calling.”

  “You have a great day, Thomas, up there in…Catlett’s Cove, is it?” said Andrew. “I still need to pay a visit up there sometime. I’ve heard that it’s a very pretty little town.”

  Thomas leaned back in his desk chair and considered the benefits of returning to the much larger animal hospital. It would mean a big bump in salary. It would mean a big bump back up in prestige. It would mean a return to all of the cultural resources of the city, and it would mean a full dating pool of eligible men.

  On the other hand, he wondered if it would mean running away from his hometown once again. Would he be like a cow looking for greener grass on the other side of the fence? First and foremost, would he be running away from Hadley?

  Thomas lowered his head into his hands. He was already settling into Catlett’s Cove. He was reconnecting with his friends. He had two dogs. He was starting to consider buying a house. Now what he needed most was advice.

  As he punched in the numbers, Thomas took a deep breath, and he felt some relaxation seep into his bones. He waited to hear that familiar gruff, older voice.

  “Hello?”

  “Dr. Benton, this is Thomas. How have you been?”

  Thomas could hear the smile in his voice. “Well, since I hit seventy years of age, I’ve been hesitant to say I’m good, because something always hurts or doesn’t work the way it used to, but taking that into account, yes, I”m good. And how is the practice?”

  “It’s going very well, Dr. Benton, but I’m not sure I’m doing as well. In fact, I could use some advice from a person with more life experience than me. Are you available to talk sometime soon?” asked Thomas.

  “Absolutely, Thomas. You know, some days I feel like I’ve farmed myself out to the back pasture. I spoke with so many people and tended to so many animals on a daily basis for so many years. It’s difficult to go from all of that to staring back and forth across the living room at Ellen. Not that she isn’t just a marvelous woman.”

  Thomas asked, “What would be the best way to get together, Dr. Benton?”

  He said, “Ellen is asking if you have any plans for dinner tonight.”

  “Tonight?” asked Thomas. “I suppose not. I’m planning to leave by 6:00 p.m., and I will need to let the dogs out, but the rest of my evening is free. He thought to himself, if Hadley doesn’t show up at my door.

  Dr. Benton said, “Perfect then. We’ll see you at 7:00?”

  “I can’t wait, Dr. Benton. It will be great to catch up.”

  * * *

  Dr. Benton’s wife Ellen greeted Thomas at the door. She was smartly dressed in gray slacks and a flowered blouse. She said, “Thomas, you are looking well. You really should stop over for dinner more often.”

  Thomas grinned. “Maybe I will in the future. You and Dr. Benton are so gracious to invite me.”

  Dr. Benton stepped around the corner to greet Thomas. He was more rumpled in dress than his wife, but his eyes sparkled with life and he reached out a hand to shake in greeting. Thomas was impressed by the strength of his grip. He said, “Ellen, let’s all have a glass of wine in the library. There is no rush this evening.” He then turned to Thomas. “Unless you have somewhere that you need to be?”

  Thomas shook his head. “No, Dr. Benton. The puppy still can only handle about four hours before a potty break, but I’m sure after four hours of me, you will be more than ready for me to go home.”

  Dr. Benton laughed softly. “You’ve always been good company, Thomas, even as a young boy. I remember you asking if you could straighten the pamphlets on the racks in the waiting room and make sure the collars for sale were all hung in size order.”

  Thomas said, “I just wanted to be at the practice, Dr. Benton. It was such a great place to be.”

/>   Ellen offered them each a glass of red wine. Dr. Benton said, “Thank you, my dear, and, please, have a seat. You’ve been working in the kitchen for hours now. Time to put your feet up.”

  Ellen said, “I’ll sit for a few minutes at least.”

  Dr. Benton turned back to Thomas. “I don’t mean to rush you, but on the phone you said that you were looking for some advice and I thought I detected some distress in your voice.”

  “Yes, I got a phone call completely out of the blue.” Thomas sipped at his glass of wine. “The head of the animal hospital I worked at before returning to Catlett’s Cove called.”

  “He wants you back?” asked Dr. Benton.

  Thomas nodded. “He does. He offered a promotion and a significant raise.”

  Dr. Benton set his glass of wine down. He said, “That’s not a big surprise. I checked your credentials, of course. You have many other options, Thomas, if you want them. Were you surprised by the call?”

  Thomas said, “To be honest, and I’m not trying to brag, not really. I’ve seen the same thing happen with other colleagues. Sometimes they are offered the promotion before they even leave.”

  “It’s not bragging,” said Dr. Benton. “It’s just knowing your worth, and that’s a good thing.”

  “What do you think I should do?” asked Thomas.

  Dr. Benton smiled warmly. “It’s not my decision to make. You know that.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “However, I do think this is one of those many moments in life when it pays to examine your priorities and what is most important to you.”

  Thomas took another sip of the wine. “I guess that’s where I start to get stuck. I came back to Catlett’s Cove because it was always my dream to take over your practice when you retired. I think I told you that when I was in sixth grade.”